I was speaking to someone the other day who began to cry and tell me how things weren’t going too well because of the Covid19 lockdown and subsequent impacts. This person was distraught but between sobs kept saying ‘I shouldn’t feel this way…I am more fortunate than others’. ‘I shouldn’t be so upset’.
I told this individual, and I am saying this to those of you that need to hear this, that your feelings are valid and that you must not ‘should’ or ‘shouldn’t’ yourself.
Just because others may be in a worse off situation does not mean that your feelings do not matter.
I know, because I used to do this to myself. I stayed in a job which I hated, and which robbed me of my health because I said to myself ‘I shouldn’t complain… I am luckier than most’. I stuck with things and situations that dissatisfied me because ‘I should get over myself and realise how lucky I am’.
All the 'should’s' and 'shouldn’t’s' I placed on myself ended up impacting my life satisfaction and my health until it dawned on me that my feelings were just as important as someone else’s. And the remarkable thing is is that once I stopped 'shoulding' and 'should noting' myself, I felt empowered to take control and make the necessary changes required to remedy the situations I wasn’t happy with.
Like this person who I was speaking to, I want you to know that your feelings and emotions are valid and that you are allowed and permitted to acknowledge what is and isn’t working for you.
You do not need to seek permission for your feelings by comparing and contrasting your feelings and situations to someone else’s. Your feelings are valid all by themselves. And they are okay.
If you need help with learning how to stop invaliding your feelings then let me know – I am offering all of my virtual coaching free of charge during this crisis. This is my way of supporting my community during these unprecedented times.
Don’t be shy – take me up on this offer. I am more than happy to help.
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On another note – I read about a great exercise in Jack Canfield’s book ‘The Success Principles’ that I wanted to share with you. He suggests that because we are predisposed to focus on the negative as well as our failures in life we should create a list of our 100 successes. The reason being is that we can refer back to the list when we are either dealing with new challenges or when we are about to put ourselves out there, be it in a job interview or something else that we really want. The point being is that referring to our list will help build confidence.
I suggest going one step further and actually framing the list and hanging it in a prominent place so that you can read it daily.
In the book, Jack Canfield mentions that most people get stuck at listing 30 but that if you work at it, you can get to 100. I am at 93 so far… to help you get the ball rolling and to get some ideas, should you want to complete this exercise yourself, here are a few from my list…
Give it a try… you will discover that you are more successful than you think you are. Again, if you need help with this, then let me know…
Until next week, Love Claire xx
Hi! Welcome to the Bootcamp for the Mind & Soul Blog, where I will be sharing with you how to develop healthy habits and empowering beliefs.