Letting Go of the Fear of Losing Control

"We suffer more in imagination than in reality"
-Seneca

Many years ago, I used to be a professional worrier – I was exceptionally astute at imagining and predicting future issues, threats and dramas. I worried about all sorts of things that I had no control over. To my mind, if I worried about hypothetical issues, then I would be prepared when said problem arrived. But here’s the thing; the vast majority of things that I worried about never actually occurred. Which means that up until the point that I decided to cease worrying, I had wasted a lot of time fretting about nothing. In effect, I robbed myself of time and peace of mind for nought.
 
​Regrettably, I was not unique in my predilection for worry.
  
Many people spend their lives worrying, believing that if they control their environment and the people in their lives, that nothing terrible will happen. Worriers attempt to control things to guarantee certainty in their lives because the thought of not having certainty causes them to have high levels of anxiety. However, it is the quest for assurance and certainty that stops worriers from making meaningful and impactful changes in their lives.
 
I know, because I had been there. 
 
Until ultimately, I had to make changes because worrying got the better of me by turning into chronic anxiety. And dealing with chronic anxiety was much worse than any of the ‘imagined’ problems that I invented in my mind. Hence, it became my quest to lose the worrying, which I did successfully with daily mindset practices. Should you share my penchant for worry, it is crucial to realise the following:
  
The only things you can control are:

• your thoughts, desires, actions and reactions

 
The things outside of your control are:

• What people think & do
• What happens around you
• Other people’s mistakes
• Time

The things you can influence are:

• Things you care about and can do something about

    (i.e., the environment, causes that are important to you, your children, your relationships)

To learn how to let go of the need to control things, grab a pen and paper and answer the following critical key questions:

• What do I need to stop trying to control?
• What would it feel like to let go of worrying and the need to control?
• How will I benefit from relinquishing control?
• How can I let go of this need to control?
• How will I hold myself accountable for relinquishing this control?

 
As a former control freak, I can share with you that learning how to relinquish worry and control does not in my experience happen overnight, however with continuous practice and awareness the tendency for worry does go away. And, the renewed peace of mind from not being wrought with worry is absolutely worth the effort it takes to let it go.
 
If you would like coaching on this, reach out to me.

CONTACT CLAIRE