Regrettably, there are some companies which systemically churn and burn employees. No amount of pivoting and adapting to the situation or cultivating self-awareness, emotional intelligence or taking care of our mindset and wellbeing will improve things in the workplace. For the sake of our health, sometimes we just need to realise and accept that the ladder we are on is not leaning against the right house, and we need to move on. However, taking the step to move on is often easier said than done for two main reasons: Institutionalisation and Fear. 
 
The longer we stay in a company, the more we become institutionalised. We adopt the belief that there are no other options out there for us, and we justify to ourselves that things aren’t that bad where we are. We fear change, the unknown, exposure, failure, judgement, and losing control. And, all of these fears become compounded when we become bogged down with life and fail to nourish our physical and mental health. In effect, when we don’t feel great and at our best, it becomes easy to limit the vision we have for ourselves based on our current circumstances. 
 But here’s the thing – if we allow our fears to take hold of us, then we can end up living in regret, stagnation, complacency and a deep feeling of helplessness and unhappiness. And so, to avoid this, we need to learn to release the False Expectations Appearing Real.
  
 * * *
Fear is a natural part of our natural human makeup that starts in childhood (Don’t touch that… Don’t talk to strangers) and evolves into adulthood where we become inundated with messages of fear, from society, the media as well as people around us. These messages of concern, as well as our past experiences, formulate our makeup and understanding of our world, which then creates mental roadblocks in our mind and can prevent us from making meaningful changes in our lives. 
  
The main reason why I did not change jobs and careers sooner than I did is that I had an intense fear of failure. I feared the consequences of throwing away my job and abandoning my career. The inner critic in my mind, which can be a real doomsayer, would squawk fears at me, and, for a long time, I listened to and gave authority to this pessimistic critic. I was secure doing a job that I was familiar with, and my inner critic fed me stories that reinforced my need for security.
  
You might not make it on your own; you might and probably will fail. People will judge you for failing. Your failure will be criticised. What if things do not work out? What if you don’t make any money? What if you make a mistake? 
  
I was eventually able to tame my inner critic when I began to read about people who inspire me; the athletes, the businessmen and women, the disabled and abled, the persecuted, the challenged and the gifted. I devoured books on and by inspirational people, and, the more I read, the more apparent it became to me that all of these remarkable people in pursuit of their dreams had failed at some point, and in the vast majority of cases, several times. Yet, despite these failures, they persisted, got back up and demonstrated immense resilience and determination. 
  
Reading about these inspirational people empowered me to tune out my ego and fears, and gradually I began to hear the faint cries of my inner wisdom whisper You will make it. You will succeed. You will not fail. If you fail, you will be okay. What is the worst that can happen?
  
 And when I asked myself, what was the worst that could happen? I realised that the worst had already happened – I had suffered from burnout, anxiety and depression. And, I had come out on the other side, and, with this realisation, I knew that I could endure more challenges and obstacles should they arise in the pursuit of my dreams. 
  
 The Lesson:
 To move past fear, we need to:

• Identify our concerns and what drives them and also determine what feeds our fears (i.e. other people?)
• Realise that the only way to grow is to move out of our comfort zone.
• Recognise that fear is uncomfortable but means that we are growing – we need to understand and acknowledge the uncomfortable feelings, and not allow these feelings to stop us.
• Realise that fear is an illusion – fear is created in our minds based on past experiences or the experiences of others. This doesn’t make it real or relevant to the here and now. We have to let go of predicting the future based on past events.

 
 The steps we can take to mitigate fear are:
 ​
 Using our imagination:

• Imagine a time when you did something you feared and succeeded. Remember and imagine pushing past this fear.
• Check your fear and ask yourself: What is the worst that can happen? Imagine the worst that can happen. Is it really that bad?

Ignore outside influences:

• Accept that some people will judge you for wanting to change your life – remember you do not need other people’s approval. Do not listen to other people’s fears, projections and doubts – because they are their fears.
• Do not wait for the approval of others. 
• Minimise your time with pessimistic people who do not share your dreams and goals. Only share your desires with people who are unlikely to support you. Remember that you are the sum of the people that you spend time with – if you spend the majority of your time with pessimistic and negative people, then this will likely influence your thoughts and subsequent actions.

Take action:

• Action cures all fears – you empower yourself by taking action.
• Do not make excuses or procrastinate - eliminate all distractions. If you do find yourself procrastinating, ask yourself what you are avoiding by not taking action.
• Do not wait for the perfect time to make changes – there is no ideal time… the stars will never align perfectly.
• Realise there is no such thing as an overnight success.
• Recognise that the people who are considered successful do not have any unique special superpowers that you do not have. They are not better or more deserving than you are.

Key questions to ask yourself

• Is the ladder I am climbing leaning against the right house?
• What actions can I take to build my dream career?
• Do I have people in my life that will facilitate me with the tools and advice I need to change my current circumstances?
• Am I limiting the vision I have for myself?
• What steps can I take to push past my boundaries and step out of my comfort zone?
• What mental monsters are preventing me from taking action?
• How is my success to date, holding me back from my next level of success? Have I trapped myself with affluence?
• What can I do to push past my fears?
• How can I push past my self-imposed, limiting beliefs and take action?
• How would I feel if I never pursued my ambitions?

Don’t judge and formulate fixed opinions. Be open to other viewpoints. You don’t have to be right. 
As is typical with the young, I tended to read and become passionate about various causes and world events and held firm on the need to be right. I have since learned that none of this matters. Everyone wants to be loved, valued, validated and respected. And giving love, value, validation and respect is far more important than being ‘right’.
 
All the challenges and problems you face will help you to grow and become a stronger and better person. 
I wouldn’t have believed it at the time, but in hindsight, I now realise that all experiences, even the challenging ones, were for my evolution and growth.
 
Love your body.
I came across a photo recently of myself on the beach in a bikini taken roughly 20 years ago. Why was I so worried about my body? Gravity was kind back then – everything was where it was supposed to be!
 
Enjoy your natural hair colour 
I now spend a small fortune highlighting my hair to get it to look like my natural hair colour and to cover the grey.
 
Take good care of your health and wellbeing — practice daily self-care. 
I learned the hard way that we cannot serve from an empty cup.  If you don’t love yourself and take care of yourself, you cannot love and take care of others.
 
Do not equate your net worth with your self-worth. 
The amount of money you make does not determine how worthy you are. Society teaches that the more money you make, the ‘better’ and more ‘powerful’ you are. This is nonsense. No amount of money takes away the low lying feeling of doing something you do not want to do. Regardless of how much money you make, if you are not happy, it is not worth it. Money does not validate your worth.  

Finally, in all those moments of self-doubt and worry – go inwards.
Get quiet, meditate, tune out the noise, and the answers will come. Do not seek external validation and answers. The answers are not there. They are within.
 
These are a few of the life lessons that I would tell my younger self. How about you, what would you tell your younger self? Share with me; I would love to know.

A few months ago, while vacationing in Palm Springs, California, I decided to hike 4 miles up and down one of the local mountains. The first half of the hike was pretty tough – it was 1.5 miles straight up a vertical incline with short, sharp switchbacks. When I reached the top, I was pretty pleased with myself – my phone told me I had climbed 80 flights of stairs and that I had completed the incline in 45 minutes. The hike down around the side of the mountain was much more comfortable – the terrain still had short, sharp switchbacks, but the very nature of it being downhill made for a much easier hike.

Until, forty-five minutes later, when I reached the bottom of the mountain and discovered that the trailhead abruptly ended in front of an 8-foot barbwire fence, which stretched for miles. The barbwire fencing had a sign indicating that the land beyond the wall was private property and owned by the California government for flood control. 
 
Beyond the fencing, and just a few streets away was the condo where my husband and I were staying.

I stared at the fencing and then back up at the mountain in dismay. Did I really have to hike back up the mountain and then have to climb down the other side just because of an 8-foot barbwire fence? And why was there a well-marked trail indicating to hike this way if you couldn’t get past the fence? Recognising that I did not have enough water with me to reclimb the mountain, I decided to scale the barbwire fence. 
 
Several failed attempts later, and after a great deal of muttering under my breath, I managed to lob myself over the fence relatively unscathed. I was euphoric and silently singing praises to myself for being so resourceful.
 
That is until I realised that the newly tarmacked road that I was walking down was actually part of an empty private gated community that would, at some point, become a housing development. As I walked past all the vacant lots, I spied a 10-foot electric gate at the end of the road. I groaned. There was not a person in sight who operated the gate, and as I reached the gate, I discovered there was no chance of opening it or climbing over it.
 
Until…I discovered a 5-foot cement wall with tall box hedging surrounding it on the other side. Determined not to give up, I catapulted myself up and over the cement wall and landed in the hedging on the other side. I had a few minor scratches and cuts on my hand, but overall, I was unscathed. 
 
As I walked back to our condo, I realised that my hiking adventure is an excellent metaphor for how we go about setting and achieving goals.
 
We often set goals and tactics to realise our ambitions; however, we usually don’t anticipate the bumps and roadblocks (and 8-foot barbwire fences!) that come up along the way.

​When these roadblocks arise, implement the following strategies:

• Where possible, try to anticipate potential obstacles and prepare accordingly.
• Recognise and accept that setbacks can and will happen.
• Don’t complain. Complaining is tempting; however, all complaining does it rob you of your energy and take you away from problem-solving the situation. The critical thing to realise is that it is just a setback – not a reason or an excuse to quit.
• Break the obstacle down into easy, manageable chunks and action each chunk one by one.
• Remember that pivoting and adapting to an obstacle means that you are still moving forward in the pursuit of your goals. So, pat yourself on the back.

In this goal setting post series, I have outlined two steps:

Step 1:
To change your life, you first have to identify what you need to change. In case you missed this post and would like to download the FREE “Life Review Deep Dive” exercise to help you get clarity, you can revisit the post and exercise here:
https://www.itopiacoaching.com/mindset-coaching-blog/change

Step 2:
Once you have identified what you need to change, there is still one more step you need to take before  setting goals. This step is: understanding your motivation for the goals. In case you missed this post and would like to revisit it and download the FREE goals setting exercise, you can access it here:
https://www.itopiacoaching.com/mindset-coaching-blog/start-with-why

Now let’s dive into how to set and achieving your goals.

It is essential to set goals that are inspiring and motivating to you while also making you feel stretched. Meaning, the goals you set should feel challenging, yet achievable. If you set goals that do not feel challenging or do not inspire you, the chances are that you will not follow through with trying to reach them. If you think about it, why would you dedicate time and effort towards something that is not that inspiring?

In my own pursuit to implement goals, I initially tried to apply the goal-setting strategies which I was taught throughout my career and education; however, I found that the various acronyms and strategies didn’t work for me. I felt the strategies were missing a key element – which is dealing with potential obstacles. 

Most goal-setting acronyms and processes state that:

• The goal should be defined
• The goal should be given a timeframe 
• There should be tactics attached to the goal.

While I agree these approaches are critical, in my opinion, they fail to cover how to overcome potential obstacles that undoubtedly will arise while pursuing a new goal, and speaking from my own experience, once an obstacle comes along, it’s easy to cease pursuing the goal.

Through much trial and error, I realised that I was much more likely to reach my goal by anticipating potential obstacles and planning for them rather than pretending that there weren’t any hurdles that could prevent me from reaching my target.
​
I therefore created my own goal acronym:

I          Intention
T        Timeframe
O        Obstacles
P         Plan 
I          Initiatives 
A        Achievement
 
Below is a detailed explanation of the iTopia acronym: