Last year I was asked to be a keynote speaker at a 6-day conference in California, and, the conference organiser advised me that the audience size would be 2,000+ people, with the previous headline speakers being Jessica Alba and Benedict Cumberbatch.  
  
Wow! I thought. This will be taking my speaking career to the next level.
  
The only catch was that none of the 100 speakers invited to speak would be paid. It was positioned that no speakers would be paid because it was an honour to be invited to speak and that the exposure alone would be beneficial to the speakers.
  
I took a few days to consider the invitation and ultimately decided it was an excellent opportunity and that I would wave my speaking fee and speak at the event.
  
Fast forward to a few months later, where I regretted my decision and began to feel disconcerted about the whole thing. Poor communication and inadequate information from the conference organiser was the norm, and the limited e-mail’s I did receive made me feel like the conference organisers felt like doing me a favour by having me speak at the conference. All in all, in my gut, I had a feeling– a feeling I couldn’t quite place, which told me that something wasn’t quite right.
  
Fast forward again to now three weeks before the conference, where I received an e-mail from the conference organiser stating that the conference committee had decided it would be ‘fun’ to change each speakers keynote speech duration from 60 minutes to 15 minutes. The rationale being that they wanted to do ‘speed dating’ type speeches, which they felt would be more entertaining.
  
My heart sunk.  
 
The keynote they had asked me to give was on my story of burnout and recovery from panic attacks and depression, and I couldn’t see how I could make the speech fun and only 15 minutes. I felt doing so would be a disservice to my audience. I knew there would be audience members going through what I had gone through regarding burnout, anxiety and depression and therefore, to make the speech ‘fun’ and 15 minutes would be woefully wrong.
  
While my heart sank, that familiar feeling of something not being quite right, kicked in again, however this time I was able to identify the feeling – the feeling was powerlessness. I had given my power away by allowing myself to be treated poorly by the conference organiser, and as such, I was feeling powerless – on the back foot per se. 
  
Recognising this, I knew what I had to do. I had to take my power back.
 
I e-mailed the conference organiser and advised I would no longer be speaking at the event. And, I added that when liaising with speakers in the future they may wish to consider how they treat their speakers - especially when they are expecting speakers to prepare, write and memorise speeches for free when they themselves are making 3 million dollars through ticket sales.
  
Boom! 
 
I took my power back by saying no, this is not acceptable; this does not work for me. 
 
And, I felt like a million bucks for standing up for myself and what I believe in. 
  
Of course, there was a part of me thinking ‘But what about Jessica Alba, Benedict Cumberbatch or one of the other headliners I could be associated with’?  But the other side of me – the side of me with a strong sense of self-worth told me it didn’t matter even if the Queen herself was headlining with me. It wasn’t worth giving up my power and self-respect. Nor was it worth doing a disservice to the audience by cramming a comprehensive topic into 15 minutes.
 
So how did I have the self-confidence to put myself first? 
 
I’ll be honest - I wasn’t born with or raised to be self-confident, it’s a learned behaviour which I taught myself. Watch my video to learn how I taught myself to be self-confident and how you can too.

The key message I would like you to take away from my story is this:
 

• Trust your intuition. If something or someone doesn’t feel right, then trust your gut/intuition. It knows best.
• Don’t put yourself last – remember that you are worthy and deserving of respect. 
• No is a complete sentence. You do not need to justify your decisions.

In a previous blog post, I outlined that to change your life, you first have to identify what you need to change. In case you missed this post and would also like to download the FREE “Life Review Deep Dive” exercise to help you get clarity, you can revisit the post and exercise here:

https://www.itopiacoaching.com/mindset-coaching-blog/change

Once you have identified what you need to change, there is still one more step you need to take before actually setting goals. And that is reviewing what your motivation for the goal(s) are. Understanding the motivation behind the goal will help you to determine if the goal that you are setting is for right reasons – i.e. are you setting the goal because you want to or is it because you are seeking approval?
 
You may be asking yourself who would set goals for approval? 
 
Many people set goals for approval without being consciously aware of their desire for approval.
 
Refer to the below examples:

• Wanting to lose a dress size to show others your weight loss transformation at a wedding or special event you are attending.
• Studying for a degree because it’s what our parents want/suggest
• Buying a car/home, we can’t afford to impress others.
• Climbing the corporate ladder to impress others
• Applying for a job promotion to impress others.
• Competing in a sports event for approval
• Reading a difficult, well know book to appear knowledgeable

 
These are just a few examples of doing things and setting goals for the approval of others, rather than setting the goals for our own desires.
 
Therefore, before setting your goals, be sure to take some time and complete the attached pre-goal setting exercise to make sure you are clear on your motivations for the goal.

Many of us view ourselves and our lives through the lens of judgment, going from room to room in our mind, continually searching for ways to improve. And whilst self-improvement is always a good thing, it’s also important to remember to practice self-acceptance. Because if we don’t, and we only view ourselves critically, we end up with poor self-worth, which impacts all areas of our lives.

So how do we practice self-acceptance?
 
Quite simply, self-acceptance starts with liking yourself, which begins with respecting yourself, which starts with thinking of yourself in positive ways.
 
 In practical terms, to practice self-acceptance consider implementing the following:
 ​

• Get a diary and make a list of the key attributes that you love about yourself and review this list (and add to it) as often as possible.

 

• Each day as you have a shower and wash each body part, say out loud that you love and appreciate each body part. This sounds weird, I know, but it is a powerful self-acceptance exercise, especially when practised daily. For added benefit, consider doing this exercise while lying in bed and drifting off to sleep at night.

 

• Accept compliments from people - don’t deflect compliments with self-deprecation or excuses as to why the complement shouldn’t be valid.

 

• Use positive self-talk to describe yourself. Do not speak disparagingly about yourself. To become mindful of how you talk about yourself, get a ‘self-acceptance’ buddy who can point out to you when you do speak poorly about yourself. If you catch yourself speaking critically about yourself, reframe what you said to be that of positivity and empowerment.

 

• Implement self-care practices daily - some suggestions of self-care are: 

          Giving yourself the gift of time (just for you) 
          Enjoying a nourishing meal 
          Exercising
          Meditating 
          Getting a good night’s sleep
          Treating yourself to something you want - flowers or a night out, for example.
          Setting, committing to and communicating your boundaries,
 
These are just a few short tips on how to practice self-acceptance.- If you need more ideas, please feel free to reach out to me.
 
To reiterate - don’t just focus on what you want to improve - recognise and spend time celebrating how great you are just because you are you. The more you practice self-acceptance, the more your self-worth will improve, which will increase your motivation for your other goals.

Regular exercise reduces our risk of major illnesses as well as decreases our risk of anxiety and depression, and as a bonus also aids our sleep. However, many people do not get sufficient exercise because they have adopted a sedentary lifestyle. As a society, we spend more time than ever at jobs which require us to sit all day, and our choices for relaxation usually include inactive activities such as reading, watching TV, scrolling social media or staring at our phones and computers. 
 
And, to assuage our guilt for not exercising, we typically offer up excuses. I am sure I am not the only one who has told themselves the daily lie of ‘tomorrow I will go to the gym’ or ‘tomorrow I will start exercising’ or I ‘don’t have time to exercise’. 
 
However, consider this analysis when bearing in mind that there are 24 hours in a day:

• A 15-minute walk equates to just 1% of your day.
• 30 minutes of exercising equates to 2% of your day.
• 1-hour of exercising equates to 4% of your day.

  
When we consider this analysis, the excuse of having ‘no time’ falls flat.
  
Several years ago, I decided to drop my excuses, and I became an avid runner. I went from only ever running for a bus to gradually training myself to run long distances ranging from between 6 and 9 miles at a time, four to five times a week. Once I got past the first 20 minutes of each run during which time my body and mind complained, and cursed about how much running sucked, I began to love the rhythm of my breath and the sound of the steading pounding of my feet on the pavement. Initially, my body would scream in objection of feeling the cold air upon leaving the house with nothing but a long-sleeve thermal top and yoga pants on, but eventually, I would warm up and thrive in the raindrops splashing on my face. My mind would start to clear, and I would get into ‘the zone’, logging mile after mile. 
 
Now, I am not suggesting that running is for everyone; however, I recommend finding a physical activity which you enjoy that you can commit to for at least 30 minutes each day. The reason being is that exercise produces endorphins and serotonin, which improves our mood, and which directly and positively impacts our mindset. And, having a positive mindset is what ensures that we actively work towards building and living a happy, fulfilling life. Furthermore, exercise not only impacts our mindset, we physically feel better for it. Exercise overall increases your quality of life.
 
If you find yourself offering up excuses to yourself as to why you can’t exercises, consider asking yourself the following key questions:
  

• What prevents me from exercising? What excuse am I telling myself?

• What is my current attitude toward exercising?
• What is my level of commitment to make exercise a priority?
• What changes do I need to make with my mindset towards exercise?
• What actions do I need to take to make daily exercise a priority? How will I hold myself accountable for these actions?
• Would recruiting an exercise ‘buddy’ help me to hold myself accountable? If so, who would support me in my efforts?