Sean Tyler Foley | Surviving a Stroke at Age 17

SUMMARY OF THE SHOW 

Since he was six years old, Sean Tyler Foley has been acting in film and television and is an accomplished film and stage performer. He has appeared in productions including Freddy vs. Jason, Door-to-Door, Carrie, and the musical Ragtime. 
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Tyler is passionate about helping others confidently take the stage and impact an audience with their stories. He is currently the managing Managing Director of Total Buy-In and author of the number one best-selling book, The Power to Speak Naked. 

Tyler is with me here today to talk about a stroke that he suffered at age 17 that left him partially paralyzed on the left-hand side of his body for over a year.

TOPICS THAT I DISCUSS WITH SEAN TYLER FOLEY:
·       Suffering a stroke
·       Rehabilitation
·       The silver lining in suffering from a stroke
·       Acting
·       Public Speaking
 LIST OF RESOURCES AND CONTACT DETAILS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE            
To learn more about Sean Tyler Foley and to connect with him go to:

https://www.instagram.com/seantylerfoley/
https://www.facebook.com/SeanTylerFoleyYYC/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCPaMWxi5lGc_msriWtO45eA
https://www.linkedin.com/in/seantylerfoley/
https://twitter.com/DropTheMicSTF
https://www.facebook.com/seantylerfoley/
WEBSITE
https://themethod.seantylerfoley.com/
BOOK
https://bookshop.org/books/the-power-to-speak-naked-how-to-speak-with-confidence-communicate-effectively-win-your-audience/9781631954450

LISTEN NOW

SHOW TRANSCRIPT
Claire Rogers  
I'm Claire Rogers, and you're listening to Boot Camp for the Mind and Soul, the podcast that gives you an inner workout. Before we get started, remember, just like in a gym where you may not be able to use all the equipment, pick up what you can in this episode and leave behind what you can't.  Your inner workout starts now.  Sean Tyler Foley has been acting in film and television since he was six years old and is an accomplished film and stage performer. He has appeared in productions including Freddy vs. Jason, Door to Door, Carrie and the musical Ragtime.  Tyler is passionate about helping others confidently take the stage and impact an audience with their stories. He is currently the managing Director of Total Buy In and author of the number one best-selling book, The Power to Speak Naked.  Tyler is with me here today to talk about a stroke that he suffered with at age 17 that left him partially paralyzed on the left hand side of his body for over a year.  So, without further ado, welcome to the show.
 
Sean Tyler Foley  
Thank you for having me, Claire. It's a pleasure to be here. 
 
Claire Rogers  
Let's just dive straight in. Talk to me, tell me about the stroke. How did it happen?
 
Sean Tyler Foley  
Well, that's a really good question to do this day, it’s a medical mystery. What exactly happened, nobody's really sure. But what I do know, is that New Year's Eve 1996, I went out and at the time, I didn't drink. I was one of the designated drivers, and I was in a really good social group of friends. And I was in a fine arts high school; I was an actor since I was six and really dedicating my life to it. And we had a really close, tight knit group of friends. And so New Year's Eve, we were out, we were having a good time. Some people were drinking, I was not, I was just taking people around. And at the end of the night, I ended up having a sleepover with a lady friend. And she had come back to my place, and we had just kind of fallen asleep. And when I woke up in the morning, the left side of my body didn't work. And I didn't really fully comprehend what was going on.  At first, I remember waking up to my mom yelling at me, because this lovely young woman did not have the permission of her parents to be out on New Year’s Eve, And so New Year's Day 1997 I wake up to my mom screaming that her parents had tracked her down at our house and that I needed to drive her home.  And I remember thinking that we had just slept together weird, and that my arm was just numb. You know, when you sleep on your arm, that everything is numb, and you can't feel it. And you just kind of have to shake it out and you get the really bad pins and needles.  It was like that only without the really bad pins and needles that came. So, I woke up and I remember having a really hard time getting up the stairs into the bathroom to brush my teeth. And as I was brushing my teeth, I'm looking in the mirror, and the toothpaste is running down the left side of my face and I couldn't figure it out. Why is this happening? And so, I finished up, cleaned up, wipe myself off and I looked out at my mom who at that point was hovering because I need to get this young woman home. And as she looks at me she says Tyler, what's wrong? I said, I don't know what do you mean? And she's like, look at you. And so, I look back in the mirror. And that's when fully alert,, everything clear, and the sleep and the fog and the haze had been washed away. But I realized that my face wasn't working, that I can smile at one side, but the left side was drooping. And that I as I thought about it, I couldn't really work the toothpaste. Now all of a sudden I realized the left side of my body is not responding to my commands. And so, at that point, mum was like, you know, we'll figure this out.  So, you know, phoning the girl's parents, explaining to them that something is happening and that I need to go to the hospital. And by the time we got all the scans done, they're not sure if I had a mini stroke, which is the most likely scenario in that the way that I was sleeping, I likely had pinched a nerve and blocked the blood flow to my head which would have caused either a mini stroke or stroke like symptoms. It could have been a Palsy as that runs in my family so both my mother and my niece have had a form of Bell's Palsy that is intermittent, which is not usually typical with Bell's palsy. Usually, you get it and you're paralyzed and that's it and it also only affects the face. It's usually a facial thing. For me it was a whole, full body thing.  But January 1, 1997, I woke up and what had been my life on December 31, 1996, changed because prior to me waking up, I was going to be an actor, I had dedicated my life to the craft, I studied, been in film and television and theatre for 11 years at that point. And all of a sudden, I didn't know what was going to happen, because you certainly can't, or at least in my head could not be a professional actor if half of your body didn't respond to the commands that it needed. And it sent me into an absolute spiral.
 
Claire Rogers  
Can we go back? So, you're in the hospital, they tell you that you've potentially had a mini stroke, a stroke, or it could be Bell's Palsy. Did fear wash over you? Did they give you an outcome? For example, we anticipate you will get better by X date? Or was it literally this has happened, Deal with it?
 
Sean Tyler Foley  
It was a, this has happened deal with it. More specifically, I don't know that I was afraid so much as anger and frustration because nobody could tell me what had happened. So, I was getting MRIs and scans - to this day, I still have an excellent digital of my brain, which I kind of carry around with me because it's a neat thing, to have a front and side and orbital profile of your brain. But nobody had an answer for me. And because they didn't know what happened, nobody could say what the path to recovery looked like, at least at the beginning. I was lucky because I eventually found an incredible medical team that was put together that guided me on my recovery. But at the time, at the moment, I was frustrated. I was angry. I was definitely upset. I don't know if I was fearful, so much as questioning, what does it mean? What do I do? Where do I go from here? I didn't have answers, and I wanted answers, and nothing was forthcoming. And I remember crying which sucked, because every time I cried I could cry on the one side, but the other side of my face wouldn't work and crying made me drool and I couldn't keep the drool in and my tear ducts acted weird too, because the tears would respond normally, but I couldn't blink my eyes. So, the tears would literally well up in the one eye. And this one would flush out but this one wouldn't. And just nothing worked the way that it was supposed to and all I wanted to do was get back to normal.
 
Claire Rogers  
You couldn't even blink.
 
Sean Tyler Foley  
I couldn't even blink. No, I had to sleep with an eyepatch for two and a half months because I couldn't shut my eye.
 
Claire Rogers  
Could you walk still?
 
Sean Tyler Foley  
I was able to do a weird kind of a stumble for the first week and a half. And then eventually I was able to with some movement, be able to preamble. I wouldn't call it walking. I was able to move to a destination of where I wanted to go.
 
Claire Rogers  
And this is kind of amazing though that you couldn't walk yet you had no fear. So, what do you put that down to, teenage I don't want to say arrogance, but teenage...?
 
Sean Tyler Foley  
naivety and ambivalence. And a little bit of arrogance too because that's the thing, at 17, you don't understand. Everything had happened all at once. So, my life was over, and at the same time, my life couldn't be over.
 
Claire Rogers  
Maybe it helps you having that attitude?
 
Sean Tyler Foley  
I guarantee you it did. And I'm also blessed, because my father passed away when I was six years old. And so, I definitely know the finality of life. He was very young and by my 34th birthday I had outlived my father. And that is a life lesson that I learned early. That life is precious, life is short, and no day is guaranteed. Because my father went to work literally one day in February and never came home. And I think that kind of guided my path because I didn't outwardly grieve my father's passing for years and years and years and years. And I think out of concern and thinking that I needed an emotional outlet, my mother put me into the fine arts, and I got to be exposed to acting and when you're exposed to theatre, you're exposed to a wonderful different world and a different world of thought and pattern. And so, I really was aware of what limiting beliefs were and I wasn't about to accept limiting beliefs. What I wanted, though, was answers and I didn't get them so I'm sure at some point, I might have been afraid. But I think it was an emotion that was buried very, very deep if I did experience it and it was very likely more of the anger, the denial, like stages of grief, right? 
 
Claire Rogers  
Yeah.
 
Sean Tyler Foley  
I definitely hit denial. I'll be fine one day, right? It's just this something from New Years. And it just it didn't go away.
 
Claire Rogers  
So, did you take a proactive, go-getter, I'm going to solve this problem to try and get better or did someone guide you to take charge?
 
Sean Tyler Foley  
Eventually, a little column A, a little column B. So again, all things in the universe happen in miraculous ways. And when again, back to my father passing, I had a lot of incredible men in my life step up to fill in that gap as male role models. And one of them was my chiropractor, Dr. Robert Corbett. And so, when this happened, I was best friends with his daughter, Dr. Vanda Corbett who to this day are still friends, we talk regularly, even though we are separated literally by half a world. She's a chiropractor in Dubai currently, and I'm situated in Calgary, Alberta.  But Robert stepped forward, and really took charge of that mindset work. So, before all of this happened, particularly being in the arts, you're judged. And you don't always get things that go your way. And it was one of those times and he had taken me aside and said, well, what do you really want with your life? What are your goals, you've got to write them down, you got to take action?  So, I was working on my mindset without knowing that I was really working on my mindset, because we didn't really talk about it that way. He was just a really good mentor and safe guy who guided me along.  He's a medical professional, and both he and his wife are both are very lettered doctors. And so, Bob and Joe, basically, after about a week or two, once I was able to converse with them and say what had happened, they were like, okay, well come to the clinic, we're going to take a look at you, we'll run some exams and see what your doctor said because they are medical professionals and so they were able to grab all the charts. Again, most of them were inconclusive. And, and that was when it really started.  So, I was frustrated with the lack of answers. And Bob actually changed my thought on it. And he said, well, if we don't know what happened, that's actually not necessarily a bad thing. Well, because if this had happened, then you're stuck in this pattern, we don't know. So, we can eliminate and say, we don't know that it's this or this or this or this, we may never know what it is. But what we do know is that because we don't know, we don't know what the outcome is. And that means that you are in the driver's seat. 
 
Claire Rogers  
So, he empowered you.
 
Sean Tyler Foley  
He really did empower me. And it was a great thing, because I remember that first week, I was still at school. So, you're on Christmas break, I was isolated from my friends, because I couldn't drive. At the time I drove a 1984 Honda Accord, and it was a stick shift. And when your left foot doesn't work, you don't clutch, and I couldn't go anywhere. And I didn't really feel like reaching out to people. I didn't want to talk on the phone. I sounded weird. So, a lot of my friends didn't even know what had happened. The girl certainly wasn't talking to anybody about it. And so, it wasn't until I was able to start conversing with people that first week that I became really depressed. I was really upset. And, again, I was really angry.   I remember being just viciously angry and wanting to just lash out and not being able to and so with Bob's help, I was able to start thinking, okay, well, what can I control? What are the things that I can do? So, my body isn't completely paralyzed. You can do this weird kind of shuffle thing. So that means that the nerves are firing, you have function there even though you can't feel it. And it was a weird thing.  So, we do this test. We had this kind of like pinwheel, it looked like a really tiny pizza cutter. And it had little spikes on it, and you roll it across my forehead. And I could feel it and I would go ouch! and then as soon as it crossed over into the left hemisphere, couldn't feel it, but I could start to do things like flex my fingers, and I could wiggle my toes. I just couldn't feel that I was doing it, but the brain function was there. And knowing that meant that I had a path forward and he just kept saying, well let's just track it. Let's just track progress right? A journey of 1000 miles starts with a single step. So, we need to know how many steps we've taken. And we need to know what is working and what isn't. So, is acupuncture working? Is the laser acupuncture working? Is the chiropractic working? Is the physiotherapy working? Are these medications working? What is working? And then we can keep going forward? So, you're focusing on the positive? And I'm guessing, did you celebrate successes along the way? Oh, yeah. You have to in anything. I mean I learned that even before this. Especially from an acting standpoint, if you get an audition. For example, there's a whole bunch of people who got submitted who didn't get the audition. So, you got the audition, now you have an opportunity, right. And so, I would celebrate, I would be excited just because I had an audition. And if I got the part, my agent had to hold the phone away from her ear like this, because I was screaming joy every time. The other thing is to have a sense of gratitude. I was always thankful to my agent, she always laughs because to this day, every time I book a role, or she sends me to an audition, I say thank you so much for the opportunity; I appreciate your faith in me. And it's just a habit now because she doesn't have to submit me. And this is the same as with the work that I was doing; I celebrated every time because it gives you hope, and it allows you to not feel compelled to focus on the times where it doesn't work. And if I can grip and if I can hold on to the joy that is going to help me get through.
 
Claire Rogers  
And how did it impact you? Because you were a teenager and teenagers can be cruel. So how could it impact relationships? Did you lose some friends?  Did you have some Fairweather friends? Or did they all step and be amazing?
 
Sean Tyler Foley  
No, I am blessed.  First of all, I went to a very unique high school. It was a fine arts high school, and we put on a production every year called Mainstage. And that Mainstage production wasn't like your typical theatre production. This was a production that had a budget of anywhere from $40,000 to $70,000 for a high school production. And then on top of that, none of us were getting paid. And a lot of the staff are volunteers. So, all of that money went into the production, the sets, the lighting, the sound, and we would rehearse, and we would audition in September, casting was finalized by the end of September, early October. And then the show didn't mount until April. And we did this for three sometimes four years, depending on how long you were in high school for. There were some alumni that came back for the 13th year.  I was introduced to the programmed before I ever actually was in the high school. And so, I'd been around Mainstage and then the cast and crew for two years prior to me ever and I graduated in 1997.  I am still friends and in regular communication with at least 20 of the people that I went to school with.
 
Claire Rogers  
They all stepped up when you had the stroke.
 
Sean Tyler Foley  
They were still juvenile delinquents though. They would purposely make me laugh just to see me do this (droop my face). And it was mean, and it was vicious. But they were doing it in good spirit. And when I had to withdraw from the show they were still there, they kept me included. I ended up working behind the scenes helping out. It's actually where I got a lot of the tech skills that I use to this day. So, I look back on it. And I'm so thankful because everything happened the way it needed to it.  First of all, when you're told that you'll never act again, it gives you a drive. I had been professionally acting at that point for 11 years. And I was getting a little complacent. And when it's taken away from you overnight, now I knew, that it was important to me.  All I could focus on was, I've got to get working because I've got to get to Vancouver. I was supposed to be a big star in LA in New York. I was supposed to take Broadway by force. I was going to be THE Sean Tyler Foley, not just Tyler from Mainstage and it reinforced and reinvigorated my drive which had started to wane. And then and on top of that it gave me this chance to break away from the technical side of acting and get into the technical side of theatre. Because now I got to learn sound, I got to learn lighting. I got to have an appreciation for the crew that do the props and set deck and all of that because I was pulled away from the performer side, and had to focus on this other side, this technical side. Now I had an appreciation for other people. And it's made me a better performer, because now I know why some of those people are doing their jobs, and they appreciate it. And it actually helped me book more gigs eventually, because I had a reputation as an actor who you could work with, as opposed to a difficult actor, which I'm sure if it weren't for the stroke, I was definitely headed down that path. I was a very ego driven performer before that.
 
Claire Rogers  
Would you say that it humbled you?
 
Sean Tyler Foley  
It definitely humbled me. 
 
Claire Rogers  
Did it knock your confidence?
 
Sean Tyler Foley  
No, no, if anything it boosted my confidence, because look what I can do. There were certain stages, when I could move freely. I used to tap dance a lot and the first time I was able to actually do a shuffle with a tap shoe and get that in (tap, tap, tap in)?  I was like, OH YES. And I could feel it in my feet. And I could feel the click, click, click. And I was like, WE'RE ON! And then I knew that anything was possible that if I could bring my body back, I was so unstoppable. So, it actually served to give me more confidence in my abilities, just because I knew that it was what I was meant to do.
 
Claire Rogers  
So, your recovery, if I understand correctly took about a year?
 
Sean Tyler Foley  
Yes, and in various stages. So, for those who were looking externally, they would have thought that I was at 90 to 95%, within about five to six months. So, by the time I had graduated, I was able to walk across the stage, and I was able to smile in graduation pictures. And except for one or two photos from that night, you can't really tell that anything happened. I can because I see it, I can see the tell.  Same way, that even right now, a quarter of a century later, if I get tired, or if I get exhausted, or if I'm run down, I can notice in my face where this side, my right side will pull. And I can see that it's more engaged and more active than my left side. And if I get really, really tired I will start to blink, or I'll get a twitch. It's nice now because now I have indicators of when I'm run down, and I know what to do.  I know how to reset, I know that I need to get to the chiropractor, I know I need to drink a whole bunch more water, I need to take some rest and let my body reset. So now I have these indicators that which again, is a blessing to be able to have a warning sign.
 
Claire Rogers  
Did you ever ask yourself, either when it happened or during recovery? Or afterwards? Why me? Why did this happen to me?
 
Sean Tyler Foley  
Absolutely. I was asking it for weeks, if not months after. And luckily now I've been able to slowly unravel those answers. But I was definitely searching them at the beginning. Because why? Why at 17 do I get everything stripped from me? And they did. I mean, I was the lead in the show, and I couldn't do the show anymore. What's worse is one of my really good friends ended up taking over the role. And frankly, in my opinion, did a better job than I could have. And that was humbling and just awful to watch because I had to watch it backstage and watch him go out and do it better than me. And I can see that if it weren't for that I certainly wouldn't have had the opportunities that I have. So, I needed that humbling. I needed that experience to see that.  It's funny when you realize that you can be replaced, you do a lot more work to make sure that you're not.
 
Claire Rogers  
And so have you ever gotten to a place where you go, well, that was a really rough ride, but I'm glad it happened to me or not?
 
Sean Tyler Foley  
 Oh, yeah. Every day. I'm thankful for it. I wouldn't have had the trajectories that I had. It forced me to get to Vancouver for one because  to this day I remember being told that I will never be a professional actor. It was June and they were casting for the next mainstage show and I was told that because I didn't finish this production, I would have to come back and repeat a year because I wasn't going to get all the credits that I needed to graduate from the Alberta High School of Fine Arts. Luckily for me, I had enough credits to get my high school diploma. And I was satisfied with that. If I didn't actually ever officially graduate from the school that I gave three years to that was fine. Because I don't need a piece of paper to be told that I'm an actor. I'm an actor, because I'm an actor, I just have to believe in myself. And that's true for anything. You are the thing you believe you are. And I've been an actor, my entire life, I didn't become an actor at six. I was born a performer, I just got the opportunity to make use of that starting at six years old. And starting at seventeen and a half coming up my 18th birthday, I was able to move out to a city that's known nationally as the epicenter for film and television, it's the third largest spot for television outside of Hollywood and New York. And well, in North America.
 
Claire Rogers  
Hollywood North.
 
Sean Tyler Foley  
Yeah. But Bollywood is the largest if we really start getting technical. But you know, I'm given this opportunity to go out there, I wouldn't have been there,  if I hadn't had the push, I would have probably kept doing the regional theatre here in Calgary a year or two. I've seen what a lot of my friends who graduated from the school did, and it wasn't a lot. And I had to question the drive, and I wouldn't have had it if it weren't for the stroke.
 
Claire Rogers  
So do you ever worry that the stroke could happen again? Does that ever have an overriding fear in the back of your mind? Or did you release it?
 
Sean Tyler Foley  
It's never overriding, but it's definitely recurring. So it's one of those things and I love that you said the word release, because I do acknowledge it. And particularly like I said, when I get really rundown, and this last year has been an incredible blessing for me to be forced to work from home and find alternatives to what was a very road centric life. for quite a few years.  I was able to really reset and find myself. But I do know that if I'm going and I'm doing multiple city events over the course of a week or two weeks, and I've got a couple of those coming up where you look at the schedule, and you're like, okay, so I'm on stage from 2:00 to 2:45. And then  I'm doing a Q&A session from 3-4PM, then shuttle to the airport for 4:30 wheels up at 5:30. We're into this next one, and we're fighting a time zone. So it's only a two hour flight, but you're actually getting in at 9;30 at night. And then we're off to the hotel, and I've got a 6am call at this city, and rinse, wash, repeat. When I get run down like that, and I start to feel the eye twitch, or if I start to feel a little bit of chest tightness, or if I start to feel numbness in my hands, I start asking myself:  did I sleep weird? Or is this a reoccurrence? And I have to go, okay, well, let's check. And let's breathe through it. And what do we do one way or the other, because at least I know what to do. And luckily for me, it's kind of like, if you're having a heart attack, take an aspirin, if you're not having a heart attack, still take the aspirin, because the aspirin isn't going to hurt you. Well, same for me, I know that water, rest, a good chiropractic adjustment, and maybe some acupuncture is going to reset my body. And whether I'm starting to get close to the same scenario that I was in, or whether I'm not, that's still going to be helpful. So I just do that.
 
Claire Rogers  
So would you say that the stroke brought you a sense of awareness of your body, but also who you are. And the reason why I'm saying that is many of us and I will include myself can live in a frantic society and we can live in autopilot mode, which means we we're not cognizant of our day to day thoughts and moments. We're just in autopilot mode.  I caught myself in that situation in 2013 and ended up with panic attacks anxiety and depression for 18 months, because I had basically burnt myself out. And I say that the worst period of my life ended up being the best thing that happened to me because now I have an acute awareness of every sensation in my body. Literally, I will stop myself every hour almost, just checking with my body. And I'm just wondering, did it give you that same sort of sense of awareness, that check in to make sure you don't live in autopilot mode?
 
Sean Tyler Foley  
Yes, and it also gave me the awareness that I am an autopilot pilot. I really do like that you pointed that out. Because I am guilty just as anybody else's. Where you get stuck into a rhythm or a pattern or a routine. And I do. Again, I'm lucky because for me, I feel like it's my internal check engine light. I have very distinct patterns and physical behaviors that will manifest themselves when I'm at a point where I need to check in and reset. And so  like I said, I'm very grateful for it. I, I feel that there was definitely divinity and grace. And the fact that I was able to experience that and experience it at a young age, I don't know what would happen now if I had it. But I know then, I was young, so I bounced. And the recovery, I'm sure, although it felt arduous at the time. It was a year out of my life.
 
Claire Rogers  
At that age you are still relatively made a magic. 
 
Sean Tyler Foley  
Yeah, exactly. And so I look back now, and I blink and a year goes by. As I was saying, most people would have thought that I was good by the time I was six months out of recovery. And so it I'm very thankful for it. 
 
Claire Rogers  
So what would you say if we had a listener that has had a similar experience, or is going through something similar? Similar doesn't have to be a stroke, but something life changing, or debilitating has happened, and they can't see the woods for the trees, and they're paralyzed in fear? What advice would you give them?
 
Sean Tyler Foley  
Well, I would tell them, that the worst and best advice is when people tell you to find the positive in it. I really hate finding the positive in things. I don't necessarily think that everything needs to have a bright side. There are things that are not good. But I think there is a lesson in everything that happens to us. And I think there is grace in everything that happened to us.  And Tony Robbins says it better than anyone else. You know, life happens for us, not to us. So why me? I think because I was inquisitive with it. And I've continued to be inquisitive with it. And I continue to revisit and go, where was the grace? Where was the grace. And the more I asked, the more I see them, every time I talk about it, I discover a new thing of, hey, if it weren't for that, if it weren't for you being paralyzed New Year's Day, 1997. Just think of all the things you would have missed out on. I had relationships grow closer. My mom and I were in a really rough spot at New Year's Eve. We were not vibing very well, because I was a 17 year old kid, and I knew everything. And my mom didn't know anything because she was my mom, right? And this gave us a reason to hit a reset button.  I would tell your listeners, you may not see it now. And I'm not even asking you to try and look for it now. What I'm saying is that there is grace in it. And eventually that will reveal itself. So you can feel your feels. You don't have to view this as a positive. But know that there is reason behind it. And if you can relax yourself, and give yourself up to that power and know that this is happening for you, not to you. That will give you strength to at least drive forward to find out why. Your only job now is to find out why. And that answer will be revealed in time I promise.
 
Claire Rogers  
And so ultimately, then it does lead later on to a positive because if you can find the grace. And again, that's not to condone or approve of what's happened to you. But if you can find the grace in it, it can eventually change you in a positive way. And maybe the change is not necessarily just you. There is a power in story when we share these shared experiences. I mean you've brought me on here so that other people can hear that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. By me sharing my story they can see look, it doesn't have to be the end. And in fact it is very likely the beginning, we just need to discover what this story is. And now I get to be excited to read through it just the same way that you will. I need to discover what the ending of the story is. And I assure you, it is not right now, you are just at the beginning of the story. And when we can find that, when we can finally solve the riddle, and make the answers,  if we find the strength and the power within ourselves to then share that,  that's usually what the answer is, you were provided this obstacle so that you could find the solution, because there are other people who are struggling with it. And if you can be the answer for them, or give them some guidance, or give them some hope, or some light, that's, when your life has meaning. So I want to pivot now. So you have got a number one best-selling book. Tell me about it, why you wrote it?
 
Sean Tyler Foley  
Well. So speaking of power of story, the book, The Power to Speak Naked came about because, again, with 35 years of performance, I have the ability to command a stage. And I do a lot of work with local charities.  I love to MC, it's just a fun thing to do. And I love it's one of the few ways that I know to support. There's a lot of times where you want to be doing social good. But there was a time where I didn't have a lot of financial resources to provide to these charities. But there's a lot of ways that you can help charities without actually just donating money, you can donate your time, you can donate connections and resources, I love putting people in touch with each other. And for me, I would go and I would volunteer my time, usually for fundraisers, and I would MC events. And inevitably, people would come up to me and they would say, how do you do it? And what they were asking is how do you get up on stage and be confident and entertaining and engaging and keep people going?  You know, one of the things that I pride myself in is any charity who's hired me as usually seen the highest revenue intake of that particular event than they had ever had. If you hire me and your event brought in $80,000 last year, I'm probably going to bring in $100,000, just because people are having fun, and I bugged them and I'd get more money out of them. And so it's just a thing that I like doing, but they would ask how you do it. And I would start to say, well, do you do this, and I found myself repeating over and over and over again, this is how you tell an effective story. This is how you get people engaged. This is how you get over stage fright. In fact there is no such thing as stage fright. People aren't actually afraid of public speaking, they're afraid of public judgement. So if you can get over this fear of judgement, and if you can expose yourself to the raw, naked truth of your story, and the world will come alive, and they will be on board with you and look what look what good you can do. And that's why I love working with the charities.  So eventually, I'd say this long enough that I started to put together these training seminars so that people could come and they could learn how to do what I do and then go and not have to hire me or have any volunteer for the group, they could just go and do it. Which is always better. Because you know, give a man a fish, feed him for a day teach a man a fish and feed him for his life. I wanted to empower particularly these female centric charities because of all of the help that my mum received when she was struggling with me and my sister after my father's passing, I wanted to give back. And so I eventually that advice worked its way into the book. And I'm very proud of that work. Because I think it's important that we tell our stories, and that we share our stories. I think that's how we communicate as human beings, I think it's how we understand each other. And I think if we can tell a compelling story, and I can get you to see my point of view, I can have you walk a mile in my shoes, and then you and I are in closer alignment and understanding.
 
Claire Rogers  
Amazing. So I'm also a keynote speaker and my advice to our listeners if you have to give a speech in front of your colleagues, and there's only 10 people and you're really, really nervous - for me, there's no difference between giving a speech to 1000 people or to 10 people. In fact, it's harder to do it in front of 10 people than it is 1000 because 1000 people you can't see them, but 10 people you can. But I would say always look for your supporters in the audience, because you will always find people that are sitting there smiling and nodding at you because they want you to be successful. So that's my advice to anybody listening is look for your helpers. What advice would you give?
 
Sean Tyler Foley  
Very similar to that... trust that you're the authority. If somebody asked you to speak it's because you knew more than anybody else that they could have asked. So you are already the authority. You're already there. And as you mentioned  not only do you have supporters, but I would go one further, the audience is on your side. Nobody ever goes to a presentation whether it's in a boardroom or a large auditorium or Conference Centre, or even Zoom call these day and goes to these things going, man, I hope this speaker sucks. If anything, they are passively indifferent. Because we've got other things on our mind, people are more focused on themselves than they are on you.  So all of that negative talk is exactly that. It's in your head, it's negative talk, it doesn't exist. The audience is on your side, you are the authority, you've been granted power. So don't give your power away. Embrace it. And the other thing, and I'm glad you pointed it out,  is that 10 people can be a lot tougher than 1000. I like speaking to 2,000 or 3,000 people for exactly what you said:  it's really hard to see them. And there's more faces. So just by sheer volume, I have more friendly faces looking back at me.  Anybody who says that they're afraid to public speak, and I guarantee you there's 77% of the audience right now going well, wait, that's me. I'm afraid of public speaking. I'm going to say no, you're not. There's probably only about point 5% of the population that is actually got a phobia of speaking in public. And if anybody wants to challenge me on that, I will ask them, when was the last time you were at a restaurant? When was the last time you ordered food in a restaurant? Did you know your waiter when you ordered food? Because if you answered whatever the date was, and yes, you ordered food, and no, you didn't know your waiter, then you just spoke in public to a stranger. And if you could order food from a stranger, you can speak what you already know, as an authority, because you've been asked to present to a group of people that you do know, or to an auditorium of strangers, because you're already speaking to strangers, the people who know you have your back and are supporting you, and you are the authority or you wouldn't have been asked to do it. So take your power back.
 
Claire Rogers  
100%. And I would also go as far as to say as well, if you're speaking on your story, nobody knows your story better than you. You're not speaking about  amphibian landing craft studies, or NASA or something that you don't know anything about. It's your story. So therefore, even if people in the audience don't like your story, or don't like what you have to say, that's okay, because it's your story.
 
Sean Tyler Foley  
Nobody knows it better than you, 1000%. And for the people who were like, yeah, but  my boss asked me to present last month's sales statistics, and I didn't know them any better than anybody else. So here's what you can do in that scenario. You just ask other people what this stuff means to them, and find why it's important to you. What do the numbers mean to you and tell them and then ask them, what do these numbers mean to you, and have a dialogue because studies have shown that when you are public speaking, if you are having a dialogue, in that you are asking your audience to participate in it, the engagement is 92%. If you're having a monologue, or you're just speaking, blah, blah, blah, the engagement is actually 78%. So you will be a more entertaining, more remembered, talk, if you actually ask people how they feel about this information. So even if you're thinking I'm not the expert, because I was just told to present this information, they still asked you for a reason, because you were the best choice out of everyone there. So just remember that you have a leg up?
 
Claire Rogers  
 Absolutely. So tell me what is the name of the book, and where can listeners buy it?
 
Sean Tyler Foley  
The best place to purchase The Power to Speak Naked, which is the name of the book, would be at your local book retailer. It's going to be available September 7, and pre sales are already on. I would strongly encourage everybody to go to your local book retailer. Sure, you can order it, order it off of Barnes and Noble, or Jeff Bezos, his site if you really, really want it to, and you can absolutely line their pockets. But I'm encouraging all listeners in all of my following to go to your local bookstore and just ask to preorder a copy of The Power to Speak Naked. And help out your local bookstores because they're very likely struggling right now.
 
Claire Rogers  
100% I agree with you. I am an avid book reader, and I support my local bookstore as well. And I will buy your book. Thank you so much for joining the show. I really do appreciate it and you will have to be one of my turnstile guests, which means you're going to have to come back and we'll talk more.
 
Sean Tyler Foley  
Oh, Claire, it would be my joy and pleasure. Any way that I can serve your audience would make me happy.
 
Claire Rogers  
Excellent. Thank you so much for joining.
 
That concludes this week's episode of Boot Camp for the Mind & Soul. Don't forget to rate and review and subscribe. Tune back in next Wednesday for next week's episode. If you have any questions about this episode or anything about the podcast then don't forget to visit www.itopiacoaching.com