Recently I bumped into an acquaintance who I hadn’t seen for a long time, and during the conversation, I asked if she was still planning on starting her own business.
Her reply: “Not anymore, I’ve put those thoughts to the side, and I don’t think about them anymore – you know how it is… you start making money, and then you feel trapped by the income and next thing you know, you stop thinking about your dreams”. She ended by saying “Do you know what I mean?” Yes. I knew exactly what she meant. It’s called the affluence trap – and it’s a multifaceted trap which includes:
Once upon a time, I was stuck in my comfort zone and the affluence trap until I realized the price I was paying was too high and that I had to push myself past my comfort zone. It wasn’t easy to leave my comfort zone and the affluence trap I found myself in, and it isn’t for more people. The vast majority of us are not born with a silver spoon in our mouth – meaning; most of us have to work for a living. But, with that said, we can begin to push ourselves out of our comfort zone by:
In my case, I went back to school while still employed in corporate life and although I didn’t know what life would look like without my corporate career – I had faith in the not yet seen. Meaning, I believed that my dreams and goals would come to fruition – I didn’t know how or in what capacity, but I believed in the unseen. Becoming an entrepreneur has required hard work, grit and determination and many ups and down’s, including feeling like my goals are moving smoothly and steadily along – to times when my goals feel they are stagnating and not making any progress at all. And it’s a time’s like these that I remember to Believe in the not yet seen. So how do you move out of your comfort zone? First realize that you are not trapped in any situation that you may find yourself in – be it your career, finances, relationships, your weight, etc. You are not stuck. Second, realize that you can empower yourself by making small changes to move out of your comfort zone. Believe in the not yet seen and take steps each day (no matter how big or small) towards realizing your dreams.
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A couple of years ago, I participated in the Royal Marines Commando Challenge in the UK. The challenge entailed a 10km run with various obstacles dotted throughout the course. I wasn’t particularly concerned about running 10km or about most of the obstacles; however, I was very fearful and anxious about the dreaded “sheep dip” obstacle. The “sheep dip” obstacle requires a person to dive underneath a low-level cement bridge in dark, muddy, frigid water with the hope and faith that a Marine on the other side of the bridge will pull you up and out of the water. The thought of diving in muddy water and being enclosed in a tight space that I had to feel my way out of rather than see my way out of frightened me to my core. And, it didn’t help that the Royal Marines Commando Challenge website stated that every Marine dread’s this particular obstacle. Approximately 7km into the run, and several obstacles later, we finally arrived at the Sheep Dip. As I gazed at the obstacle, I couldn’t help but swear and ask myself what I had gotten myself into. I expressed to the Marine at the obstacle that I was terrified, and he instructed me ever so calmly, “Don’t be, JUST DO IT”. I felt like I was in a NIKE ad. Realising that I had to do it to complete the challenge, I swore out loud, took a deep breath and dove under the water where moments later a Marine on the other side of the bridge pulled me up and out of the water. Astounded and in shock that I had actually done it, I quickly recovered my bearings and feeling like a champion, I continued running the final 3k to the finish line. My lesson? Sometimes to overcome fear, you have to feel the fear and do it anyway. The very things that cause us fear can often give us confidence once we embrace the fear. Persistence + Determination = Fear elimination Catch your dreams before they slip away. The Rolling Stones / Ruby Tuesday A few years ago, I was given concert tickets to see The Rolling Stones at Twickenham Stadium, and I remember that as I cheered, danced and performed with my air guitar, it struck me at how inspirational those rockers are. Their ages range from the early to late ’70s, and they rocked the house like they were a bunch of 18-year old’s. Their faces were beaming with smiles, and it was apparent that they were genuinely having a great time.
The Stones have been performing for 50 years, and it is evident to anyone who has seen them play that they have a genuine passion and love for their job. I take great inspiration from that. To do something you love for 50 years is truly remarkable. To get inspired and enthused in our own lives, we can look to individuals such as the boys in the Rolling Stones, or other people who inspire us. When we turn to others for inspiration, it provides us with direction and different perspectives. In particular, when those that inspire us normalise their success and failures, it can spur us on in our own goals. Effectively inspirational people from all walks of life can change our outlook on what is possible and remind us what we are all capable of. Personally, I make it a priority to read one book a week about someone inspirational – I read about people from Elon Musk to Maya Angelou to Phil Knight to Tom Brady to Betty White. It’s not that I want to invent the next Tesla, become a singer, develop sneakers, or become a line-backer or an actress; but instead, I want to learn from other people’s success and failures – I want to be inspired. For their stories of success and failure push me to keep pursuing my dreams. To become inspired, think about who you admire and what you can learn from their life experiences. If the people you admire are in the public arena, consider what books/podcasts/media, they may be featured in that you can read/listen to/watch to become inspired. Because sometimes the best motivation comes from being inspired by others. And, sometimes we need to rock the house like we are still 18. 'The one thing standing between you and your goals are the excuses you sell yourself' I recall being at the gym a few years ago and chatting with a woman who asked me which classes I attended. I mentioned that I combined Barre (ballet) classes with weightlifting, Yoga, Pilates and Running. Upon hearing my response, the lady expressed to me that she would like to get in shape but isn’t able to do the Barre classes because she is inflexible, she can’t lift weights because of a bad back, yoga is a waste of time, Pilates is boring, and Running is ageing. I asked what she meant by running being ageing, and she said it “ages your face”.
Ouch, and I thought I was looking pretty decent for my age. But I digress. As we carried on chatting, I suggested some other workouts she may prefer: swimming, stretch classes, or cycling. As I mentioned these exercises, she provided a litany of reasons why these exercises would not work for her. After our conversation ended, and as I walked home, I thought about the stories and excuses we sell ourselves. This woman was not unique in her views. In all honesty, years ago, I used to tell myself a variation of these same stories. “I will go to the gym” was a daily lie I told myself for years until I learned to drop my excuses of “I am too tired”, “I don’t have time”, “I have too much to do”. Ultimately, I learned to drop my excuses when I realized I wasn’t feeling or seeing the results I wanted. It takes daily practice and awareness to listen to and understand the excuses we sell ourselves. I say daily practice because as much as I like to think that I am reasonably self-aware, I still catch myself trying to sell myself an excuse from time to time. For instance, I recently caught myself saying to my husband the that I can’t take up his hobby of skateboarding because I am not 19 and made of magic anymore – i.e. I don’t want to kiss the cement and hurt myself. The reality is, is that it’s just an excuse that I use. In actual fact, I am not worried about hurting myself – I am just not that interested in becoming a skater girl at 46. So how do you learn to stop making excuses? The first step is to be mindful and listen out for the excuses you make to yourself and others. And then ask yourself: Are the excuses legitimate, or are they a form of excuse-itus? If they are a form of excuse-itus, then you know what you need to do. Remember: when you lose your excuses, you will find your results. I recently gave a keynote speech in London about the anxiety, panic attacks and depression I suffered from years ago. It’s a speech I often give, which generally results in attendees approaching me afterwards to share their own story with me. And, indeed on this occasion, I was approached thereafter.
One of the individuals who approached and spoke to me absolutely floored me with his comments. He said, “What you said has made me realise for the first time in my life that I am not worthless”. I guessed he was in his late forties, and what floored me and broke my heart was the realisation that he had spent his entire life feeling worthless. I wanted to speak to him further; however, we were surrounded by people which prevented an intimate conversation. All we had time for was a 2-minute conversation whereby he showed me some notes he had taken during my speech, and I reiterated his importance and why he matters. Perturbed by what he had said to me, later that evening when I returned home I updated my speech to include the following words, which I would like all of you to take on board and remember. YOU MATTER. YOUR STORY MATTERS. YOU ARE WORTHY. YOU ARE DESERVING. YOU ARE LOVED. I BELIEVE IN YOU. Now it may sound usual to say I believe in you when I don’t know you; however, I do genuinely believe in everyone. Everyone has a story and is a victim of something, yet we all have the potential to own our story and rise and write a new chapter in our lives. We are all worthy and deserving of a happy, fulfilling and meaningful life. Our past and our history do not need to define us. I have written a new story for myself, and I do not have any unique superpowers that you do not have. Your potential for change and growth is just as limitless as mine. And so, I would like to remind you that YOU ARE WORTHY. You matter because you are unique and bring value to the world, even if you don’t think so. Not sure how you bring value to the world? Well, even a simple smile can change someone’s life. I believe one of the greatest gifts you can give someone your smile, and maybe your smile can change someone’s day or life. Perhaps your smile made someone feel seen and valued. Your words may have inspired someone when you didn’t think you were particularly inspiring. You never know how you positively impact someone. Still not sure how you matter or why you are worthy? Try this exercise. Make a list of what you stand for and against - this will help you to understand why you matter. As an example, to help you get started, refer to my list below: What I stand for (my core values): Kindness. Compassion. Authenticity. Integrity. What I am against: Prejudice of any kind. Unkindness. Oppression. Inauthenticity. And that is why I matter. Now it’s your turn. Make your list. I believe in you. |
Claire RogersHi! Welcome to the Mindset Coaching Blog, where I will be sharing with you how to develop healthy habits and empowering beliefs. Blog Categories
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