Many people struggle to sleep at night, and this directly impacts their mindset. The consequence being that without adequate sleep, we can feel groggy, dazed and too tired even to motivate ourselves to make meaningful, positive changes in our lives.
For many years throughout my career, I averaged 3-4 hours of sleep a night, which eventually led me to develop insomnia. I didn’t schedule a set time to go to sleep but instead made it a habit to flop into bed at around midnight but not before first checking my Blackberry and answering a few emails. I would then fall into a deep sleep which lasted exactly 2 hours every night without fail. Subsequently, my mind would decide that 2 am was the perfect time to solve the world’s problems, plan my day and think about all the things I needed to. I became acutely accustomed to staring at the bedroom ceiling, making mental to-do-lists while my husband slept blissfully next to me. And then, finally, after tiring myself out from all my problem solving I would fall into a deep, blissful sleep at around 5 am only to have the alarm clock go off at 7 am to start getting ready for work. This cycle of poor sleep lasted years which meant that I felt perpetually tired and wired. I was tired because I was so exhausted from lack of sleep. I was wired because I was constantly working in overdrive mode and pounding my system with technology right up until the last minute before going to bed. In effect, I never gave myself a chance to slow down and clear my mind. Sleep is essential to our wellbeing, yet many of us are sleep-deprived and acquire a sleep deficit each night. Work and family obligations consume much of our time, and when we add not making sleep a priority to the equation, lack of sleep becomes a habit. Which means we do not obtain the optimum 8 hours sleep a night required for our physical and mental health. Additionally, research shows that the light from our computers, phones, TV’s and other forms of technology suppress melatonin (which helps control our sleep and wake cycles) which leads to disruptive and poor sleep. Poor sleep contributes to overall fatigue, irritability, forgetfulness, poor decision making, short temperament and depression as well as raises the risk of serious medical issues. In essence, we need to make sleep a priority not only for our health and wellbeing but also so that we can have a clear and focussed mindset to live a positive, fulfilling and meaningful life. To address my own insomnia, I implemented lifestyle changes which included:
If you have poor sleep habits, and want to sleep better, consider implementing the following:
Enjoying a warm bath Writing in a journal Meditating Listening to an audiobook or podcast. By making these small changes, you will notice an improvement in your sleep as well as your day to day mindset and wellbeing, which will not only benefit you but also those around you. According to a Deloitte study, 58% of people check their phones within 30 minutes of going to sleep. Considering this, ask yourself the following questions:
Exercise: Consider keeping a sleep diary to gain an awareness of your sleep habits. This doesn’t have to be anything fancy – just write down the following:
Once completing this exercise for a week or two, consider if there are any changes you need to implement to improve the quality of your sleep.
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How we communicate has a fundamental impact on our relationships – be it personal or professional. To ensure that we are communicating effectively, we need to reflect on our communication style and think about how our words, reactions and actions impact our conversations. We must do this because if we don’t, we may find ourselves in situations where we are misunderstood, which can result in conflict or not having our needs and desires met. To understand how you communicate and how your communication style can be improved, grab a pen and paper and complete the below exercise: Think about an awkward conversation or situation you have found yourself in and write down the details of the conversation and exactly what the other person(s) said. Leave out conjecture and your interpretation of what was said and instead focus on writing down the precise words of the other person. Once you have done this, write down exactly what you said. Again, avoid conjecture. Now answer the following questions: How was your response? Negative or Positive? Did your response make the situation better or worse? Notice these questions are focussed on you, not the other person. This is because you cannot control how another person communicates, but you can control how you communicate. And as such, you want to communicate effectively. Now, review the below 7 C’s of communication and ask yourself:
How could I have been more effective in my communication? Write down what a more effective response could have been.
If you practice this simple exercise, your communication style will improve, which will lead to effective communication that mitigates conflict and ensures that you effectively communicate your wishes. "We suffer more in imagination than in reality" Many years ago, I used to be a professional worrier – I was exceptionally astute at imagining and predicting future issues, threats and dramas. I worried about all sorts of things that I had no control over. To my mind, if I worried about hypothetical issues, then I would be prepared when said problem arrived. But here’s the thing; the vast majority of things that I worried about never actually occurred. Which means that up until the point that I decided to cease worrying, I had wasted a lot of time fretting about nothing. In effect, I robbed myself of time and peace of mind for nought. Regrettably, I was not unique in my predilection for worry. Many people spend their lives worrying, believing that if they control their environment and the people in their lives, that nothing terrible will happen. Worriers attempt to control things to guarantee certainty in their lives because the thought of not having certainty causes them to have high levels of anxiety. However, it is the quest for assurance and certainty that stops worriers from making meaningful and impactful changes in their lives. I know, because I had been there. Until ultimately, I had to make changes because worrying got the better of me by turning into chronic anxiety. And dealing with chronic anxiety was much worse than any of the ‘imagined’ problems that I invented in my mind. Hence, it became my quest to lose the worrying, which I did successfully with daily mindset practices. Should you share my penchant for worry, it is crucial to realise the following: The only things you can control are:
The things outside of your control are:
The things you can influence are:
To learn how to let go of the need to control things, grab a pen and paper and answer the following critical key questions:
As a former control freak, I can share with you that learning how to relinquish worry and control does not in my experience happen overnight, however with continuous practice and awareness the tendency for worry does go away. And, the renewed peace of mind from not being wrought with worry is absolutely worth the effort it takes to let it go. If you would like coaching on this, reach out to me. We live in a global environment, with many of us working extensive long hours, the norm of working the standard 9-5, Monday to Friday, now a distant memory. And, because our working lives are now becoming so integrated into our personal lives and our personal time, it is vitally important that we carve out time for ourselves each day to slow down and check in with how we are feeling. If we don’t do this, we can end up living in autopilot mode and, without realising it, we can impact our overall health and wellbeing by being in a constant state of ‘doing’. I know this because, in 2013, my world came crashing down around me when I started suffering from panic attacks, chronic anxiety and depression – all born from burnout. At the time I was living in a perpetual state of autopilot; going from meeting to meeting, conference calls to conference calls, and from one commitment to the next, with no time in between each activity, to just take a moment and breathe, be present, and check-in with myself. Unfortunately, my experience with burnout is not unique. Burnout can impact us due to work pressures as well as pressures in our personal life; however, we put steps in place to mitigate burnout. One of these steps is having daily mindfulness practices to check in on how we are feeling and by using these practices to calm down when we become overwhelmed. What is mindfulness exactly? To those that don’t know what mindfulness is, it can seem a bit ‘woo woo’ and can induce feelings of scepticism. To the inexperienced, one may think that mindfulness involves incense sticks, chanting, hot yoga, yogi’s in sandals and robes and hippies sitting in the lotus position. Mindfulness is not this. Mindfulness is quite simply paying attention to the present moment. It’s not about emptying the mind and attempting to ignore and push all thoughts away. It’s merely taking a moment to understand what we are thinking and feeling in the present moment with no judgement about the thoughts or feelings. And, it’s about releasing and relaxing any feelings that may be overwhelming. Does mindfulness require a unique, quiet setting? No. Mindful breathing can take place at home, in the office, on a bus, in a waiting room, during a walk – you name it – anywhere. Is mindfulness time consuming? No. Implementing just 5-minutes of mindful breathing decreases stress, and increases both personal, professional and social wellbeing. How can I implement mindfulness into your daily life? To learn how to apply mindfulness into your everyday life, watch this video. I once bragged that in between conference calls I made a cake in 17 minutes.
My husband had phoned to say that a friend was flying into London at the last minute for 24 hours and that it was her birthday. Excited to see our friend, I told my hubby to invite her for dinner and that I would do something special for her birthday. As I got off the call and looked at my diary, I realised that I was scheduled to attend back to back conference calls all day. The only gap I had in my diary was 20 minutes in between two conference calls. Seizing those precious minutes, I frantically made a birthday cake and popped it in the oven to bake in a record-breaking 17 minutes. I was super pleased with myself and bragged to my hubby that if needed, I could rule the world because I was The Master Multitasker. I was Superwomen! Fast forward to a year later, and Superwoman was curled up in the foetal position on the bathroom floor suffering from a panic attack. Apparently, I was not Superwomen and could not rule the world. I could not even rule my own world, and because of that, my body and mind got sick, in part because I thought that I could and should do it all. Which begs the question, why do some of us, and in particular women, assume we have to do it all? The answer is complex and multifaceted and is not one which can be answered in a short blog. However, what I will say is this – we don’t have to do it all. We can set boundaries, and say no, and that does not make us a bad person. Nor does it mean we are lacking. As Gloria Steinem so eloquently puts it: “You can’t do it all. No one can have two full-time jobs, have perfect children, and cook three meals and be multi-orgasmic ’til dawn…Superwoman is the adversary of the women’s movement.” It’s essential to recognise that we can’t do and be great at everything. And that is okay; we don’t need to do it all. We can say no - we do not have to agree to every request and task that is asked of us. By setting boundaries realise that it’s an act of self-respect and self-care, which contributes to feeling less stressed, anxious and depressed. Furthermore, by validating our needs, we build self-esteem and confidence, and, this will improve relationships with others as people will understand what our limits are and what we stand for. If like me, you have found yourself running around trying to be all things to all people, and in particular to the detriment to your health and wellbeing, ask yourself these powerful questions:
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Claire RogersHi! Welcome to the Mindset Coaching Blog, where I will be sharing with you how to develop healthy habits and empowering beliefs. Blog Categories
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